Chapter
16.
God: Nancy you closed the door.
ME: I
did? How?
After
about 70 years of life, many answers have shown up and of course I want to
share them. Near Death Experiences happen
to millions or billions of people. I
don’t even feel special about having a NDE and yet it was a big event for
me. It was life changing. My title says
more about my NDE because many of the questions I have about God and my
conversation with God have evolved over time.
I have written before about my experience and I apologize to those who
might be saying “oh, no, she is not going to tell this again”. I am telling parts of it again with a twist.
I
was listening to a new personality on You Tube.
His name is Phil Good. I was so
impressed with the depth of his presentation.
I have been listening to other channelers and I am grateful to them
all. Phil is channeling but he does not
change personalities and speak differently.
He remains conscious and complete in his discussion. Phil was speaking of the Ego getting in our
way. His discussion was about tuning
into the higher resonance and letting it steer your course. We all have an internal GPS system.
Phil
said that it is our ego that gets in the way and closes the door to God. It has
taken me forever to realize that is what closes the door. It doesn’t matter if
someone claims to be an atheist. Most
atheist think that they are more intelligent than their faith believer friends. Before we knew the words God and Atheist, we
were aware of our magnificent all-knowing parent at our birth. Then religion showed up in our lives. God sat
on a throne and looked a certain way and only let some people of a certain
religion into heaven. Another version is
that God is the basic intelligence behind all life and is out in space
observing the results of the big bang as it unfolds. Another version is that God is Mother Earth
and takes on a female form during deity worship. So many disagreements occur over who is
right. There are so many versions, and
they may all have some of the essence of God.
After
my NDE I believe the light I saw in all things is Source and yet He/She/It is
as close and intimate as your lover. He is as proud as the Scottish Grandfather
or Seanair and as huggable as the Grandmother Earth. They grin from ear to ear
like a Cheshire Cat when you get it right and things are going well. They laugh like the thunder of Indra when you
are in on the joke. God has many names
and many hats. So relax and know that
whether or not you believe it, That ancient love of you exists.
There
is a blog I wrote called Snap Shots of God. I cover more about the concepts of God there.
Going
back to Phil Good. He said that we are not here to merely survive but to have
an exceptional life. I could not agree
more. Through emotions we navigate life.
Emotions are energetic manifestation
that lead us to those steps that will reveal our next higher self. Imagine a
shellfish that keeps growing and expanding and sloughing off old shells. There
is a challenge to become emotionally intelligent. Many people try to avoid emotions all
together. Some emotions are
uncomfortable. With emotional realization
you can reclaim the you that you got cut off from. Emotions will be another chapter so not to
worry. I will cover this
thoroughly. I love emotions.
The
Elevator Story of My NDE. Just so you know, an elevator story is a
short version of a critical event in your life.
It should only take a few moments to tell a stranger on the elevator the
story before you must get off on your floor.
About
40 years ago I had a D and C surgical procedure. It is a minor surgery, so I was not
worried. When anesthesia is administered
any number of things can go wrong. There
are variables with how our bodies respond to anesthesia. I was not coming back to my body in the
recovery room. I could here the nurse
calling my name and I just wanted to tell her to quit calling my name. I was having a very important conversation
with God. I was telling God that I did
not want to come back to my life and I was quite upset. I had found joy, freedom, and unconditional
love in the arms of Source. I recognized
God’s voice and I was reunited with a long lost loved one. It felt very harsh to have to return to my
body and present life. I was a wife and
a parent, and my duty would be to return and care for my loved ones. That would
seem obvious, but it was not obvious. I
had been living my life on empty and the love I offered was not a full-bodied
love. The life I was living was the life
of a prisoner of war with little hope of finding freedom. Those who knew me back then would probably
agree. I was not the one you would want
to invite to a party. I lived in a
dysthymic state of existence. So I did
go back, but was there free will in returning to this now Nancy existence?
God was able to convince me that I would
prefer this. My soul contract would
benefit greatly by returning. I was
told that this life was a gift and a golden opportunity for me. To Segway: That was the problem with
suicide. I was not committing suicide
but indirectly I was committing suicide.
Many people carelessly do not honor their bodies. They smoke and drink and eat bad processed
food. They seem to welcome getting to
the end and being able to say goodbye to an unsatisfactory life. I lived life according to the terms and
conditions of others. They are not
creating their lives but accepting and settling for what selfish other’s have
deemed correct and even appropriate. (Just look at that evil person Meghan
Markle) It is a shallow and watered-down existence that others convince you of
living. I had so much to be grateful
for. We had a new home with a lovely
back yard for the boys. The boys were
healthy and beautiful, and I was healthy and beautiful. I will include a real picture. My youngest was about a year old.
X
I
am in the middle with the red turtleneck on and my very handsome husband is
holding our two boys. The others are
friends who were seeing us off to Scotland.
How many blessings does one girl need?
I was lucky.
Here
is another picture of me and Zak.
Below. Beauty is in the eye of
the beholder. I see us all as gorgeous
and yet, it was effortless and not appreciated.
We were gifted with a golden opportunity. In a blinking of an eye it
vanished. I am growing older. I have
that 20/20 eyesight. Today would mark the 40 years it took to see this
better. I return from my commentary to
this day 40 years ago.
X
Back
to the day of this NDE and the nurse who is still relentlessly calling my name
and I am trying to not listen. I am
still speaking with God and doing my best sells pitch to remain in heaven with
My Father/Mother All That Is. Nothing
else even come close to mattering. Just
look at those little boys. That should and would do it, right? I remember saying to God, “I don’t want to
leave you”. With that God replied, But I
am there (on earth) with you. I am there
too and all you need to do is ask for me.
God continued, I was always with you, Nancy. You are the one who closed the door between
us.
With
that comment I returned to the recovery room.
The nurse was glowing. She had a halo.
I mentioned how lovely she looked.
She seemed to be having an awkward moment accepting that. She was gorgeous just standing there without
makeup in a surgical gown. I felt like a
starving artist that just had been treated to a Thanksgiving dinner with pecan
pie for dessert. I was full to the brim
with love and appreciation.
That
feeling lasted for about another week.
All my houseplants had halos, and everyone seem so incredible. I had the gift of seeing the inner being or
authentic self of all other people. That authentic self was better than whipped
cream. Yummy. I saw the light of God in
all living things.
Some
of that honeymoon feeling wore off. I returned to everyday life, and I also
returned to some not good habits of thought. Someone would be unkind or
insulting to me and I would fall to the frequency of old patterns and old
realizations. The climb towards
awareness is like building a stone road up a hill. You can’t jump ahead but God does give us
encouragement. Sometimes terrible things
would happen. I would start to go into a deep depression and then remember that
God had made a promise to me. All I
needed to do was ask for help. I found
that help would always show up. It seems
that I could fret and wonder and then, it was there. It was obvious that I needed a bit of
patience and faith.
I started reading the NDE’s of others. I
wanted to remember that feeling once again. Some NDE’s left me uninspired, and
others brought back the amazing experience that is so hard to describe. Many
experiencers mentioned having a feeling of home sickness. That is this feeling
that earth is like summer camp. We have
something to learn or accomplish and we also are here to enjoy life and create
memories. Then we return to our real
home. Many experiencers mentioned they
no longer were afraid of death. That is
also true for me. My bags are packed, and I am ready to go. I am trying to
meditate every day. Reconnecting with
that love and joy is important to living the life I would like to be
living. Someone once said, “you don’t
have to die to go to heaven and you don’t have to die to be in hell”. Both of those places are not determined by
circumstances but by perception. They
are states of mind. To be in heaven you
only need to open your heart to that Power that Creates Worlds. Partner up with the Creator.
Just
to sum up what Phil Good was saying: Ego
is the attention we have for those sparkly things in life. Each day is full of those things that grab
our attention. Ego is listening to those
harmful messages that are all about judgement.
We are either putting ourselves up or down compared to someone
else. There will always be
comparisons. Others are taller, shorter,
rounder, thinner, smarter, dumber, less educated, less satisfied with their
love life or more satisfied. There is a
very long list with comparisons. We are so distracted with things that just
don’t matter. To make it more personal:
I was dysthymic most of the time. All I
needed was to connect with my Higher Self and have unconditional love for
myself and others. That one sentence
seems easy but getting past the ego takes a great deal of focus.
I
am assigned to do spiritual counseling with people. I feel the enormous energy and love of God
when I counsel, so I know it is not just me.
If
you need help.
Connect
nancysnimbus@gmail.com