Saying Goodbye to Smoky

Saying Goodbye to Smoky

It has been a month now.  We have had many monsoon storms come and go without a sign of our beloved tom cat. 

Personally I was grieving two days into his absence.  Many people were saying “he will be back’’ and my heart was disagreeing.  I was wondering why they said this to me when I knew better.  Maybe it was to encourage hope?  I don’t know.  It did the opposite.  I was trying to process the heavy emotions of saying good bye to our friend and family member Smoky.  I am a psychic and an animal communicator so it was eerie to me that I could be so “gone” or unaware of this passage.  No matter the confusion of listening to the perceptions of others, my eyes would not stop watering.  Quite honestly it kept important others at bay as they were unable to offer condolences.

I had this happen when my maternal grandmother was in the hospital.  The prognosis was good. She had a minor heart attack.  We had visited her and she looked pretty healthy.  As I was leaving she said good bye to me.  She was as serious “as a heart attack”.  She said, you will be OK and remember the good things and not our arguments.  My grandmother was a very religious Baptist woman.  Our beliefs were very different.  We had lively debates about the Bible and her interpretation of it.  She said, “none of that stuff matters, it is the love we had for each other, that is the part worth keeping.”  As I walked down the hospital corridor, I saw my great Uncle Obe (short for Obadiah) sitting in the waiting room and he had been dead for 15 years.  I thought OMG, oh no, that is spooky.  My mother was rattled due to the fact that my grandmother had also said good bye to her.  Mom had totally ignored it all stating that my grandmother would be fine and home in no time.  That night she passed away.  I started crying two hours prior to hearing that news.  I just knew.  Like I said, I guess I am psychic. 

Zachary said that Smoky had been saying good bye for about two months.  We had him for 8 years and have no idea about his real age.  I would guess 12 years old.  He was in bad shape when he adopted us.  He was quite a scrapper in the neighborhood.  I had fed him once or twice and one night he jumped through a window when I was crying and cuddled with me.  At first I was scared because he was so big and muscular.  His eyes were intense and green as he communicated very clearly that he wanted to help me.  Smoky literally said words and understood words.  He always retained his autonomy after becoming our cat.  He would jump on me every night about 4 am and he would say “now” over and over again until I woke up and let him out. He would return several hours later at 6 am when it was breakfast time.  We had a routine. 

  The last night he did something different, he jumped on me but wanted me to pet him.  I was so sleepy, but I spent at least 20 minutes petting him.  He was sending me volumes of love.  I was seeing pictures and feelings and intense color around him.   He said in his own way, I love you, I know you will miss me, I am a keeper, I am your eternal friend, I will not be far way.  As I let him out he turned around and looked at me one last time.  I got a lump in my throat.  Something was not the usual with all this.  And two days later, I knew, for sure, he was gone.  I would whistle around the neighborhood and there was no response. 

When the last storm came up, and he was not at our door soaking wet, wanting me to get a big fluffy towel and dry him off, it was solid and sure.  Smoky did say good bye that last time.

We have heard him and felt him around us and our other cat is starting to see him too, she had been very depressed at first.  I think she was playing with Smoky last night, there was lots of commotion in the living room. 

Yeah, so I took it hard.  Don’t know when I have cried more and felt so blue.  We loved him.  He is a keeper.  And I can testify that cats do go off to die when they are ready.  I have heard a dozen stories now.  It is hard to tell if a cat is in pain, all I know is Smoky did have some health problems and he hung in there many years with them.  The thing that really gets me is how close he was to Source energy that night.  He was rather elated about going home or transitioning.  That is a big clue that he had not been feeling well for a couple of months prior to this.  He tried to be there for us but it was time. It was like a female in labor, something was happening for him, like a force of nature. 

Good byes are never easy.  See you on the flip side Smoky.