Does What I Eat Matter As I Revise and Resize? An Ongoing Diary

That Depends.

Maybe not as much as one would think!

Probably food has much less to do with weight than we ever dared to imagine.  As we grow and evolve energetically, it will mean even less.  Eating is pleasurable and social and has many good aspects.  We humans are nourished by food. Jesus said that man does not live by bread alone. We are nourished energetically as well.  We have been told that like a machine, weight reduction is calories in minus calories out. They can fatten up lab rats and there is some value in the fat rat and skinny rat research. There is more going on than what they intend to measure.  What about cortisol the stress hormone?   What about being able to listen to your body?  What about balanced energy and happiness?  How do all these many factors play into our overall health, well being and weight loss.

 I have tried everything! I have spent good money after bad money on products and programs.  I think I am on to something very life changing right now and this is an on going journal. I will be finished when I post those photos of me looking the way I would like to look.  Now that doesn't mean I am not enjoying the journey there.  I am. Please read below.

 

 

 



 On going self discovery: 
 

Today is January 1 2016.  I find myself weighing about 20 pounds less than in October.  It happened as a result of being ill and in the hospital, so I am not sure how to "brag" about that.  However, it was a strong intention to loose weight (at least 5 pounds a month).  I remember prior to getting sick, I did weigh and had lost a few pounds in early November.  Then I had a dental extraction and a cold that turned into bronchitis. They put me on prednisone to calm my inflamed bronchioles. As many people know, that can cause weight gain and fluid retention.  In the hospital I had gained weight.  It wasn't until I got home that I noticed a huge drop.   

 

I believe that cheap carbohydrates, and meat, and lack of raw vegetables are the cause of diabetes two.  We worry about the epidemic of diabetes in this country and it is equal to being a third world country, we are malnutrition.  Striped of complete sugars and complete carbohydrates and complete minerals and salts.  Food is not "whole" anymore. 

 

This month I plan to just do some self-care and eat well. 

 

 I will see what that looks like when I weigh in February. 

 

Today is October 16th. I feel very happy and I am experiencing better energy.  I think that is more significant than getting on a scale.  I do want to see that scale move down too.  My goal is 5 pounds a month.  And I am asking my body, mind and spirit to help prove my theory this month.

 

 For this month (Oct 16th thru Nov 16th) I will try this and see if I can get past my resistance: Keep a "good energy" record for each day  (measured by likert scale) and, Did I connect with my Higher Power each day (check mark each day) and weigh once a week (record weight). Those are the measurable ways I can see and say, this works. Self- Efficacy is important as I learn to be a manifestor.  I have one of those Calendars that you get for free.  They make excellent special goal visualizers. Today I am going to vision board my free calendar.  And allow it to track the three things I want to track.  Notice I am not creating a food dairy and doing portion control nor am I tracking exercise.  I am really realizing that with my emotional eating patterns, this doesn't work for me.  All my life, I feel like I have been putting out fires.  I have moved from one drama to the next and used food as comfort and self-validation. I would also experience guilt when on another diet and then slipping from it. This feels better in the way that I am "conscious" in a positive partnership with all of me. So let's see how it plays out.  I am anxious to "weigh in" next month.

My reason for weight loss.

Present reasons to desire a 5 pound a month weight loss: I feel stuck in yesterday's fat suit and it feels heavy and moving around feels cumbersome. I really feel my back and joints will be relieved and helped by this gradual loss. Of course I will be able to find clothes I really like and look better in them as I emerge and transform. That feels like the icing on the cake and it will come. 

Today:  September 16.  I do Richard Simmons Sweatin to the Oldies. I am less resistant to doing part of it than all of it.  I have decided to dance to two or three songs and have fun with it.  I do 15 minutes of Yoga stretches afterwards.  Would it surprise you to know that the Yoga will probably yield more results?  The low impact dancing elevates my heart rate a bit and also warms up my body for the Yoga.  I accidently lost weight when I took a Yoga class.  Over the course of 6 months I dropped 15 pounds.  My reason for being in that class was stress.  I had a stressful job.  Yoga removes stress and we know that cortisol causes bad eating and retaining weight around the middle.  Another time I lost an unexpected 10 pounds was on a vacation.  I was having way too much fun.  Usually people gain weight on a vacation.  When I went to California for a conference, the people I was with ate lots of carbs.  They stopped at Dairy Queen for Sundaes.  As Americans we celebrate with carbs.  When we went out to dinner, I ate healthy like a salad and salmon.  And once I had a margarita.  I also had the best "raw" taco ever.  It was made with taco seasoned nut meats on a cabbage leaf with a mango salsa on top of shredded kale.  Generally I would say cut way down on dairy, however; butter is better than margarine.  Lightly and gently curb yourself from bread and high carbs.  Even though your energetic state matters more, there is so much scientist evidence that says it clogs us up and is just bad nutrition.  What is more important is people who drink diet soda and have baked chips with sour cream dip while watching TV are also filling up on empty carbs.  We need nutrients to be healthy, at least logic would say.  The bible says "we do not live by bread alone".  That says so much about the emotional and energetic fuel we as humans require.  There are people who have lived without food in the Himalayan mountains.  In short, my revelation today is this:  I have lost more weight having fun and distressing than I did when on low carb diets.  Vacations and celebrations can make me sick if I don't eat good healthy things for me.  My body seems to know what it really wants as long as I don't get too hungry, therefore healthy snacking is good.  Healthy snacks contain some protein and live energy, like apple slices with peanut butter, or tzatziki cucumber yogurt dip with rice crackers. I have even used tzatziki as a dip for cucumbers and carrots and it was so yummy. Another not bad choice is my vitamin smoothie. I add Tangy Tangerine powder (chock full of minerals and essential vitamins) to some orange juice, add a banana, strawberries and vanilla protein powder (Aloha Brand) ice and blend it. I share it with my son. It boost my energy in a good way.  If I load up on Twinkies I won't have room for what really fuels my body.  When people go too long between meals, or try and starve themselves,  then they will grab easy things to fill up on.  It really does work to have a menu plan...again more of a loose suggestion instead of an order...to self.  When I go shopping I make sure that I have good choices. Also I have been catching myself when I am a self-critic about my body.  I was sitting with a group of thin professional women and they wore high heels too.  I was comparing myself and feeling fat, frumpy and underdressed,  My energy and happiness quotient started to drop and I started to disengage from conversation.  My sparky Nancy self just shrunk.  I did notice this going on.  I go to that place far too easily.  It is a very chronic habit. I call it a victory to see the mechanisms that drags me down so I am aware enough to do some pulling back up. When in a place like that, I have to reaffirm that I like me the way I am. But do I believe it? At least I say to myself, there are so many good aspects and abilities I have and the body is adjusting and shifting all the time.  I guess those are my important revelations today.

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Today I found some unusual reasons to be heavy.  For some of us who feel like the rug was pulled out beneath our feet a few times as I did in childhood.  Then there may be a need to ground ourselves with our weight.  I love my family however dysfunctional. I don't blame the players as much as the world view or beliefs they bought into (now that is a bit of "weighty" thought.) My upbringing was a complicated mess to survive. I deserve a medal for making it through all that crazy stuff.  Our group family  karma must out do the most dramatic soap opera shows.  Sometimes food might represent the love that was missing.  Anyway:  Bashar speaks of various psychological reasons for putting on weight and being unable to shed it.  It really hit home for me and perhaps it will strike a chord with my readers as well.  See what you think.  9/9/15

https://youtu.be/KpYM9QfqVmw

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I had a personal revelation last night. My mother seems to have something to do with my weight issue.  I have an inner rebel about weight loss.  It might be because my Mother seemed so upset when I gained weight.  Even as an adult I would call my Mother and her first question was "have you lost weight?"  I remember not eating for several weeks, before anyone had a name for that, and then thank God I abandoned that. During that phase of my life my Mother would worry that I was too thin.  When I was little she would not allow snacks for me,  because she wanted me to be really hungry at dinner time.  My mom and my weight problem are connected.  So for this week, I am going to forgive Mom and me and just move on.  This week is all about radical forgiveness and allowing the Love of God to be my main source in this regard.  If I am fed with pure positive unconditional God Presence, wow, my body is going to know and feel that.

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6/5/15 On my vacation to California I did pretty well.  I was able to eat healthy food and take the tangy tangerine vitamins.  I did not feel hungry.  I ate less than normal.  But this reduction in food was not coming from a place of feeling deprived.  I think if I really wanted something I might eat a small amount and that would be OK.  When I saw pictures from my trip I noticed I was still heavier than I would like but I look OK.  Abraham says make peace with where you are, especially concerning your body.  I watched people eat large amounts of food and it made me feel uncomfortable for them.  I don't think we need as much as we think.  Anyway some sort of shift is naturally happening.  It is happening without any sort of guilt or self-degradation.  That is so important.  I want to love myself lighter and healthier.

me at Applebee's right corner with new and old friends

 ancient alien show dudes an me in Joshua Tree Park California

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As I was trying to enlist all of me, body and soul to now shed some pounds, I had to be very gentle with the process.  I had to honor the beauty of plump women, including myself.  I had to approach this as a body benefiting lessening of weight.  I said, my feet, knees and back would benefit so much from becoming lighter.  I was asked to give my self a big hug just the way I am.  The God within me never saw any of the magazines with very thin models.  I was a glamour girl the way I am.  That was such a key development in my history and resistance to a positive better self-image.  There was some self-loathing with my motivation to lose weight.  Your Higher Self will reject the Self-Hate for Your Present Body in every way.  This will create split energy and a sneaky double life.  You will be in denial about the condition of your body and yet you will be in many ways represented by your body.  You must make peace with your body where you are at. 

It is not about will power! 

None of this is about will power.  For God sakes!  For some women, they have abusive husbands or husbands who neglect them.  Food might be the only form of recreation afforded or affordable for some women.  That is a really sad thought. In fact try this little experiment: Pick out some very real (not air brushed female) and pretend that a magical fairy god mother turns you into that type of body. For the virtual reality aspect, look at pictures of yourself when you were that weight and form. Personally I don't want to look like someone else. I want to be my version of that weight. There was a Twilight Zone episode where young women got to choose the type of body they wanted.  They stepped into a cellular reorganization machine and came out looking that way. There was a discussion on the lack of diversity.  It would be like about 10 Barbie doll choices.  How very boring.  I love that beauty comes in so many forms. I don't want the anorexia look.  I like having some curves.  I just want to be lighter on my frame. It hurts my knees and feet to have so much extra weight.  So pick a weight that will best serve you.  Now be it in your mind.  What doors would that open for you socially and economically?  Would you be having more fun?  In what ways??? What relationships would change?   Take some time with this and have fun with this.  It might help to narrate a whole story around this new you.  Give her a nickname too. Imagine Hollywood is just dying to use your story as the basis for a movie?  Who would play you?  Interesting.  Be your own fairy god mother here. 

Me holding my Zachary 1981

good version of me



First discussion posted April 24 2015.  Captain Crunch Log

What I have found is loving life makes you thinner. When I am happy I do not over eat and I naturally choose the food that is right for me.  When I am happy, there is a bounce in my step and I like to take walks.  If I were not immersed in living a full joyous life, I might be chained to a program and then experience guilt when I “cheated”.  My dream life looks different.  Self-love is fundamental to your health.  A body that is swimming in uplifted energy will heal itself.  A body that is loved will balance the endocrinal system to a well-oiled sportster model.  Get thin being happy. 

Later in the same day I write:

 Becoming a more desirable weight is all about energy and our world view.  That is about as far left of our present paradigm as one can go. That is what I believe Abraham-Hicks is saying on this topic. There are hundreds of food loss programs (most with a price tag).  Some of them work for a while.  The reason they often do not work long term is the basic fundamental belief construct of a person has not shifted.  The focus has been on food, certain types of food, and energy expenditure, and calories, and other factors like supplements.  It is for each person to decide what feels right

This conversation is far from complete.  It is the beginning of a change of path.  I purchased Abraham Hicks weight loss DVD long ago.  I believe it saved me enormous amounts of money.  I don’t buy all the products Dr. Oz recommends.  I don’t shell out the money I used to.  I don’t bow down to the skinny image media anymore.  My heroes have changed.  Who is living the most the way they want to?  Ester Hicks maybe? 

You can watch her on You Tube.  I do.  I read her books and buy her DVD’s and feel richer, happier and now thinner.  And if you don’t, then find activities and friends that bring out the happiest version of you.  Put on a pair of sneakers and walk, do some Yoga, create a gratitude journal, dance to the radio, watch comedies not the news.  Those are all absolutely free and they work.  Food, what to eat, that is a whole other topic and has far less to do with weight loss than ever imagined.  Just be sensible.  You have a thick basis of dogma around this.  It will take time to say, it doesn’t matter what I eat.  So like Ester says, sometimes you must honor your beliefs.  It is nuts to eat something you believe is bad for you.  You are where you are in terms of what you think.  As Ester says you cannot turn a train going 150 mph around quickly due to the momentum.   We operate in a dimension of inertia.  It would be highly developed to decide to ignore this accepted law of physics without suffering adverse effects. 

At my present weight, it is hard to believe how men will flirt with me.  It is not a social barrier anymore. They might enjoy hanging out with a happy upbeat person?  Having a few playmates is part of my definition of abundance too.