I Slip into Something More Comfortable as I Lose Weight; A Lighter Body

Melissa McCarthy 

I am experimenting with several things right now to see what works regarding becoming lighter, and I am less desperate about that. 

As I go along in a transitioning state, I remember Abraham/Hicks saying, “Don’t pay attention to what others think.”  I think that is difficult for many of us since we have been trained to please other people. That not caring or giving a rip about what other’s might think of you, is a challenge due to the skinny ideal bodies on the media.  During an interview with Melissa McCarthy her response to her weight loss was, “I stopped trying so hard and just started to embrace my life.”  I could see Melissa dress better and she seemed to grow in confidence.  I think she started accepting and liking herself at a deeper level. 

My body is all about energy and how I feel: It really doesn’t include anyone else.  For me, what doesn’t work, is trying to lose weight for someone else.  What does work is asking myself questions and waiting for really good answers.   I will start with a few questions I have been using.  All these questions might turn into a work book in about a year.

Slipping into something more comfortable might mean side stepping resistance by saying “it would be nice to lose at least 3 pounds a month.”  Esther calls that the wouldn’t it be nice exercise.  I have some beliefs about weight loss, and one of those seems to be fear of weight loss.  Somewhere within me my weight serves a purpose, but I really need to know what that is so I can negotiate with that ego place.  So my first question is:  What does being heavier do for me?  What is it that I gain from this state of being?   I am working on those answers and getting somethings back.  I will share later. 

Recently, I asked myself what do I need to do today to lose 5 pounds this month?  That is straight forward.  I found a calorie counting book.  Calorie counting should work.  I have found it doesn’t work if I am eating for emotional reasons or having diabetic cravings.  So for me that looks like managing my diabetes, stabilizing my emotions and eating a high vibratory diet.  That all makes sense and when I eat out, I am choosing the least amount of calories but I make sure it is a “happy meal.”  I like eating it. 

Personally I have type 2 diabetes and some mood swings.  Those two create an amusement park ride for me. (I created it) Esther Hicks book, “Ask and it is Given”, says that when you ask for something, there is a virtual reality version of it that is created.  The question is this; when will you line up with that new reality and leave the past behind?  You might have a virtual million dollars in the bank but what side of you will allow that to happen and spend it?  It might be better for someone with lots of weight to lose to concentrate on other goals like bringing in a great deal of money.  That seems easier in many ways. 

In the mean time I am trying fun new things.  I am trying fresh new strategies with less urgency and less taking score of failed attempts.  I only track the successes right now.  That might be one pound less or just feeling lighter.   That leads to another question. I got on the scale and it was three pounds down from last time.  After doing a happy dance I had to ask, what did I do this week to manifest this?  What went right?  What worked here?  That is a great question to ask and answer. 

What causes diabetes anyway?  The medical people don’t know for sure.  I feel it has everything to do with the American diet but perhaps there is more.  I am reading a book that speaks of the assault on the whole endocrine system due to stress.  We live in a stressful world.  This can cause adrenal fatigue and eating lots of animal products is not helping. This in turn causes the enzymes not to work and the adrenal glands.  There is really a cluster of things that cause the pancreas to function poorly over time.  That is a lengthy discussion.   The question I ask myself is, how can I relax more and enjoy this day more?   I can almost imagine the little fat cells smiling and ridding themselves of excess.  It is that nice feeling of cleaning out a closet and taking the old stuff to a thrift store.  I don’t have to hang on to outworn things.

I am experimenting and asking questions.  I look at my thoughts and beliefs and try and reason with my inner self to let go of old and useless things.  I ask for fresh new energetic ideas to flow to me and inspire me.  I am also asking to slip into a lighter version of my body.  This one skips through the day and does not feel burdened down.  When someone is overweight it is hard on joints to carry that fat suit around all day.  So maybe my last question for this blog is, do I really need to do that?  I cannot lose 60 pounds overnight so I will have to be accepting that my body is doing its best to deal with extra weight.  I really want to dance more, float through my day more, have more energy throughout the day.  I do look in the mirror and appreciate that I have a body that functions well and is rather graceful in spite of all that it lives through.  I accept that little tiny changes are happening each day and I move into a lighter self in increments. 

There are so many more questions to ask.  I will have more to say in the near future.  So far this is helping me a great deal and I wanted to share it all. Slipping into a healthier size and way of being is easier than I ever imagined. 

Riding the Wave of Bipolar Symptoms

Surfing with Bi-polar bears

Managing anything that has to do with the human spectrum of feelings and emotions is a tall order.  Managing is almost the same as controlling something. Kindness and integration work most effectively with this more gentle way of managing.  To me it might mean being person-centered with yourself and almost a quiet observer to most of those roller coaster moments.  Don't seek hospitalization unless you or a loved one become so out of control that it is dangerous. Rather, let the emotions take their ride and then process it later when all is well.

There are alternatives to medications.  As you may know there are many class action tort cases regarding the damaging effects of psycho-pharmaceutic drugs. Many of these drugs are toxic to the nervous system and cause permanent damage.

Two well know sources to look at would be psychiatrist Dr. Peter Breggin, who is a regular talk show host on Coast to Coast AM and has written some amazing books:  https://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&page=1&rh=n%3A283155%2Cp_27%3APeter%20Breggin

Also Robert Whitaker wrote a book called Mad in America that I highly recommend for yourself or a loved one.  https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_2_14?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=mad+in+america+by+robert+whitaker&sprefix=Mad+in+America%2Cstripbooks%2C194&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Amad+in+america+by+robert+whitaker

They (Robert and Peter) speak of eliminating the toxic drugs and using other therapies instead.  I call mental health in America maddening indeed from the mistreatment of the mentally ill to the three ring circus of providers and disability adjudication.  It is beyond stigmatizing to be escorted to a mental health facility where people are strapped down, drugged, barked orders to, and awaken to 5 AM blood draws after a sleepless night listening to others scream, talk to themselves, or just shuffle about. It is far from therapeutic for many.  There are times when loved ones have no choice it seems.  That is because the right choices were not considered long ago before all the monkeying around with drugs and brain chemistry.  Choices diminish greatly if someone is court ordered to take medication.  So should someone be forced to be on medication?  I don’t have that answer because I can think of times when it might be necessary but not the ideal.

When we think of invasive treatment, medication can be one of the most horrible ones.  People report many adverse side effects.  They can feel anxiety, burning brain, lethargy, fatigued, thirsty, headaches, insomnia, muscle spasms, diarrhea, weight gain, loss of sex drive or libido, men grow breast tissue, and involuntary tremors.  Dr. Breggin also mentions the chemical lobotomy that goes on for many making life a dreary thing and many people become reproductively sterile.  I wonder if that was intentional?

I have witness many nightmares with family members and I have gone through a few myself.  Some strategies have emerged.  When I say strategies I think of the Silver Lining Playbook movie.  That movie was ground breaking in that it brought robust discussion of mental health diagnoses to the forefront. It is easier to have a more robust, less shameful conversation about these types of problems. Sweeping mental health issues under the carpet has led to many social problems and myths.

Some alternatives to consider and to bring to the prescribing doctors are the following: 

First a disclaimer:  Never withdraw from medication on your own.  Dr. Breggin has a book that advises providers how to help others titrate off these very powerful medications.   The body has become accustomed to not producing serotonin or dopamine or both as the neuro receptors are blocked from absorbing these natural neuro chemicals.  You might have heard of serotonin re-uptake inhibitors.  It is quite dangerous to then stop and flood the brain with these naturally occurring chemicals after a period of not having them.  It can create psychosis. Also mood stabilizers were often developed from research for epilepsy and they might create a disturbance as well.  As I understand it, some chemicals and naturally occurring salts can cross the cerebrum's hemispheric division and some cannot. When one starts using layman’s terms it really demystifies what is being done to your brain chemistry via drugs.  Don’t DIY on any of this.  There are some strategies for lowering psycho-pharmaceuticals and safe ways to come off of these drugs.

Bi-Polar Bears on stage

OK and up to now…there are been few therapies offered except for medication and perhaps some (CBT)groups. Managed Health Care is really cutting back on individual therapy. It depends on the type of insurance one has. There is an odd partnership between the huge pharmaceutical companies and psychiatry.  Anything else seems to be dismissed.  Big Pharma and mental health providers have been in bed together for quite a while.  I wonder if there is any breaking up of that relationship? 

These are some things to research and I will have to speak about each one to some degree in future blog postings. 

Vitamins and nutrition: There is so much leading edge research saying that hospital stays where patients were receiving intravenous vitamins and minerals helped a great deal.  Exercise helps stimulate serotonin and dopamine and really those are your “calming and uplifting” friends.  So to combine these two is extremely effective.  Get the vitamins and minerals, eat well with the leafy greens, and rice and beans and raw fruits and vegetables, go for a walk or swim, and within a few days, these patients are not delusional, not depressed, and not anxious.  It is incredible that all this happens without sedating and strapping people down.

Full acceptance of the person having mental health issues.  I like to call it person centered therapy.  Having respect and unconditional positive regard (love) for patients is the basic idea of person centered treatment.  I worked with children in schools and we used child-centered play therapy.  The children were able to balance emotions, discover solutions, and re-direct themselves through play therapy.  There is adult play therapy as well.   Imagine combining, nutrition, exercise, and supplements with a playful environment.  Water volley ball, non-competitive soccer, bicycle polo, dancing, and hiking are all great ways to get a sunshine bath, socialize, and enjoy the day.  Sunshine encourages certain vitamins to work better.  And certain minerals encourage other minerals to be absorbed. 

When it comes to processing feelings I love art therapy and music therapy as well as narrative therapy.  Narrative therapy works beautifully with bipolar diagnosed individuals.  They are the creative people who love expressing themselves through various mediums.  I think of Jim Carey, Vincent Van Gogh, Isabella Duncan, Ernest Hemingway, Brian Wilson (Beach Boys) and thousands of others who have conveyed so much through their humor, dancing, writing, and art and admittedly they have had mental health issues.  Many of these artist have taken us to new levels of human expression.  Even some of the brilliant inventors like Steve Jobs and Nicola Tesla were in that eccentric genius rare zone of the bipolar person.  I was surprised to hear Joan Baez speak of her own mental health issues and that it was hard to go on stage at times due to the fear she had  She seemed so confident. Transitioning the topic to the absence of fear...

finding balance with all life

Mania might be the most dangerous phase for many.  My uncle loved to fly planes, but we think he might have been doing risky things like barn storming when he crashed.  There are many who will drive fast and take risks during mania. I will have to come back to that one because any sage advice eludes me.  I would recommend Yoga and meditation for relaxation during energy overloads. It would be good to up the exercise part too,  but there is probably a bit more that could help. 

Environment is very important in managing bipolar swings.   Having people who understand and accept you is so important.  Seek help in managing finances and paying bills if needed.  Bipolar diagnosed people can wind up homeless when they are unable to manage the rent payment and paying other bills.  Often time picking up someone when they get their food stamps and then going shopping with him is a great service. They can buy big quantities that will hopefully last a month or near that. There are some things like produce that will not.  However, getting some canned goods and other staples will be very important. 

Safety is also part of environment.  Bipolar mood episodes make some people very vulnerable.  They are easy prey at times.  Some are more likely to be robbed or molested.  They might not be able to tell what is reality and then they are susceptible to the trickery of others.  Creating a safe life style is so important.  As much as safety is a huge factor, some institutions are very prison like and do not even allow patients to go outside.  That is not the quality of life that works for this highly creative group.  I think there might be a bracelet that would track people who wonder away in a delusional state so that someone might check up on them.  Check up, not like a parent, but like a friend who wants to reach out.  

reaching out is magical

As far as tending to first person, second person and my voice, this writing is not stellar.  I felt the need to spill all my thoughts.  I hope it will spawn further exploration.  There are vast amounts of new therapies coming down the road.  Honestly, it cannot arrive soon enough.  Too many horror stories exist in this mental health field.

If you are dealing with thoughts of suicide, you can speak to someone immediately here or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, which you can reach at 1-800-273-8255.

Ten reasons I don’t want to be your friend Anymore

1.     You are always self-occupied.  Even when you do a favor for me I believe that you are keeping score.  I will owe you.  When I start telling you an anecdote you don’t let me finish because you are sharing one of yours.  I usually cannot get a word in edgewise.  Yes, I have overlooked it for years but eventually I am thinking, not a good fulfilling friendship.  This person is not really interested in me or anything I have to share.

2.     You never just listen to me; you jump in with advice way too soon.  Often I have already tried the things you suggest.  I have already thought of those things.  There might be more to the story, maybe there are pieces I just am not able to share.  Just listening with empathy might be all I am needing, unless I come out and ask, “what would you do”. 

3.     You are to ready to judge me.  If someone comes to you with gossip or something that is good and not in my best interest, you are willing to jump on board.  You participated in that gossip not knowing if it was true or not.  It got back to me and it made me quite sad because, often I have defended you for something very similar.  We are human and all of us make mistakes.  I might be in a bad mood sometimes but mostly I am caring and understanding. Allow people to have a “bad hair day” like when the Paparazzi catches a celebrity on their way to the drug store, feeling ill, and no make-up.  Yeah we all have those moments.  Right?

4.     When I have a small win or achievement you are discounting that or trying to outdo it with one of your personal achievements.  It is perfectly OK to celebrate achievements with your friends.  And if someone is unable to celebrate with you that is OK too. But is that friend consistently not available or not happy for you for some reason? OK not a healthy friendship.  I remember getting an A in biology and chemistry and my friend got C’s.  He was so jealous he said, “you had really easy teachers.”  No that was not the reason.  Real friends will be supportive of your success and not threatened by it.

5.     When you call it is always a great deal of drama.  I am just there to emotionally dump on.  Maybe I just took my cat to the vet, and cannot deal with drama and emotion at that moment.  Maybe it is the anniversary of a loved one’s death.  Maybe the last time I called with some tearful news, you were not able to talk.  Maybe I am not the one to always be “there” as a shoulder to cry on. 

6.     When I call you are always asking me questions I don’t want to answer. Questions like, have you lost weight or has your ex-boyfriend called lately.  Did you get that job you interviewed for?  Instead of just letting the conversation flow easily into areas of mutual interests, it seems like an interrogation.  If I change subjects, that is a clue that probably my boyfriend has not called, no I didn’t get that job, and no I am still fat. 

7.     Although I don’t keep score on doing favors, if the only time I see or hear from you is when you need me to spot you some money or do another favor for you,  it is not a healthy reciprocal relationship. If I stay in that sort of “friendship” I am not honoring myself.  In other words, I have poor boundaries.  Since I do psychic readings, often it is to someone advantage to “become a friend”.  They will do that by asking me personal questions.  Then they can give me some sage advice and then it becomes a quid pro quo session.  I have much better boundaries with that, I just don’t share personal info.   There are clients who have become friends along the way but it was for all the right reasons. 

8.     People sometimes get off on the wrong foot.  If I am having a bad day, and someone else is having an equal bad day, it is unfair to judge them one way or the other.  In the third grade, there was the new girl, and I did not like her.  I was quite catty to her.  Perhaps jealousy.  After a very emotional fight we became best friends.  That is a typical syndrome of alpha females.  Be careful of the ones who seem like friends but are really frenemies.  We all have come across people sweet as peach pie, but they don’t like you.  Once you discover who they are, they are not in your inner circle any more, well at least not mine.

9.     In spite of what I said about “not jumping in with advice”, there is an exception. There are advice-giver people who are more acquaintances, in my world; however, I can think of some moments when I had a big decision to make, and significant others let me make the wrong choice without a whisper of objection.  They are not my real friends.  There is, on the other hand, a friend I am thinking of that stopped me from making a horrible mistake.   I was about to move in with a roommate who had a bad alcohol problem.  It would have been hell.  My friend was very emotional about asking me to reconsider.  Intuitively, I probably knew better but was not listening to my inner guru or higher perspective.  Thank God for those people who occasionally stopped me from jumping out into traffic (metaphorically speaking).  Those are your real friends.  Keep them close.

10.The last is a Hodge podge of annoying things.  If anyone does not understand my right to self-actualize and the important person that I am (we are all important), they will put their own agendas above mine.  That does not make them a bad person, but, I am forewarned that they lean towards self-gratification.  They will offer help but not follow through.  The best protection is to not really count on them.  On the other hand, I need to be aware of people who do nice little things for me.  Sometimes, they are taken for granted and that is a shame.  When I am in the right place (zone) my heart will attract the right people into my life.  When I am  not in the right place,  I just put up some good boundaries, and ignore some people.  

Cinderella's Fantasy Deflated & Then Aerated

My favorite fairy tale, Cinderella, was enlivened by an amazing women for me.  There is a very positive message in most fairy tales that goodness triumphs in the end.  Somewhere there is a knight in shining armor, thank the stars above, who will fulfill our longings.  In fact the male role models are very positive.   Nowhere in that fantasy is the handsome prince a misaligned abusive brute.  He is totally charming and totally in love with Cinderella.  What if after three years this happily ever after story evaporates?  It might seem to evaporate but that means there is something even better down the road.  This story does not have a sad ending.

Recently, I was doing a tarot card reading for a lady who broke down in tears.  I felt horrible and yet I had the feeling she needed to cry.  She requested an appointment to counsel with me regarding career guidance.  Her cards revealed a heart with daggers in it.  I told her that I understand her tears.  The truth was an ugly one that she was trying to suppress, however; the truth was flooding through her eyes.  If nothing else we were able to allow that release and discover the origin of her sadness.  I was gifted with the fuller explanation of this cataclysmic event. 

I explained that a handsome man had swept her off her feet and it felt like a fairy tale coming true. This Prince constructed a reality that answered every possible hope she had held.   He made promises to her of undying love. Can anyone really promise that? Perhaps partnerships need to include the fact that people and relationships sometimes change. I suggest a new marriage contract. That is a blog down the road. Right now I am faced with the huge chasm of feeling dumped off a lovely romantic ride. My clients tears suggested she had just disconnected from the matrix. She swallowed the wrong pill in this situation.  

For a while my client was living the Cinderella story and trusting that it would continue.  She worked hard to cultivate the future with him. She had invested her life force, her love, and her money. This woman before me has the occupation of being a special education teacher as well as working a second job.  He on the other had has not been employed for a year.  She purchased an automobile in both of their names and yet he was never able to make a payment on that car.  Over the last year, he has become demanding and abusive.  I saw this woman was now realizing the dream was over, and yet she desired to hang on a bit longer. She had been like that frog in the pot of water.  At first the water feels comfortable like a Jacuzzi and slowly the heat increases.  She had barely enough energy to jump from this pot of hot water and save her life.  That is exactly what she needed to do. This couple was not legally married, but it might have been better for her if they were.  She then asked a question that took me back a few steps.  I assumed she understood that she needed to immediately leave this person. Sometimes things get better, but, this was not going to happen.

She looked quite worried and said, “But …will he be OK?”  I grimaced thinking that she still doesn’t see that she is the victim here.  I don’t like the word victim but it was evident that he was a parasitic self-serving con artist.  I even used the word narcissist to describe him.  Sometimes the heart does not hear the words right.  She still had feelings for him.  Anti social, narcissistic men are experts at painting a rosy picture and they do manage to make it appear real.  These narcissists are also very keen on sniffing out the type of women who will buy into their creative and well-designed fairy tale. I add that most men are not like this. Most men are wonderful. I said that this would not be a sad story. Women do believe these psychopaths sometimes but they are good at seduction.  In fact, I am quite sure that is why parents became the brokers of marriages in the old world.  Parents might better see past the illusionary fog of hormones and wishful thinking.  I had to regain my composure and say “let me see if I can explain this in a better way”.   I prayed and asked my guides to bring the words to me that she might hear.

I asked her for the name of this man.  Then I dealt some more cards and laid them out.  I said, he already has plan A and plan B worked out.  He knows that he cannot continue this lie to your heart and that you are waking up from a nice dream and realizing who he really is.  He already knows that his time is short in this relationship.  In fact, he might have plans of just driving away in the car you are making payments on. 

I am sure I sounded like “hard hearted Hanna”.  It was more and more clear to me, but, was becoming crystal clear to her?  She changed the subject and asked me about an old flame.  I dealt some very good cards regarding him.  They were a good match.  I described him and she remembered how happy she was during that relationship.  The energy around her changed a great deal.  I realized that her Higher Self stepped into this story.  Her Higher Self was the knight in shining armor that would rescue her from her present peril.  The Universe had that other glass slipper and was ready to slip it on her dainty foot. Like the fairy godmother, the Universe always knows our heart and our wishes. This fairy godmother knows what size slipper will fit you in advance.

I saw the Cinderella story as being an allegory of the relationship between the human childlike side of ourselves and the Higher God Connection.  Like a fairy godmother and dancing pumpkins and enchanted castles, the Universe conspires to make our dreams come true.  It was a beautiful realization for me and a splendid ending to this story.  My client was off on her next romantic adventure.  My only advice as she waltzed out my front door, “take it slow, desperation does not look good on us single females.”

Some would call that game playing, however; I do not.  When dating we need to step back and smell the roses from our balcony. In fact, the Cinderella story illuminates the necessity of being a bit of a mystery. By leaving the ball at midnight she exits on a high note leaving the prince entranced.  This Juliet on the balcony moment need not end tragically.  It can be a wonderful moment to savor.

As females we need to have a wait and see attitude before giving our tender hearts away.  I do speak from experience in this regard.  As I look back I can see the red flags emerging but the problem was:  I had already jumped in with both feet and was on the end of that hook.  Those hooks have some very pretty lures some times.   The Universe did send valiant messengers to save me and help me re-build my life.  I feel that I cannot survive another romantic pot hole.   I don’t think I can take another wild ride.   I do think my advice on this subject should be duly noted.  Now I can wear my own little tiara and enjoy my palace.   

This is me doing a hole in the wall photo. It is needing work.

All You Need is a Happy Face Frog and Duct Tape

 

Just smile and fake it until you make it.  Or find the silver lining in a situation.  Or just make some lemonade out of those lemons.  Then you can pull yourself up by the boot straps and get back in that race because everybody plays the fool sometimes: Oh my and it doesn't seem to really take care of the issue sometimes.  

New Age Philosophy seems to want to bridge sadness with a quick fix.  When there is a frowny face put a happy face sticker on it and all is suddenly good with life.   Law of Attraction says that if you are fixated on a thought or feeling for more than 68 seconds, it gains momentum.  When a feeling or belief gains momentum it is because, just like sticky tape it will roll around picking up like minded others or thoughts.  It becomes a snow ball rolling downhill. 

Some teachers are telling the truth when they say there is no bottom to that rabbit hole. Usually it ends of course but not before it has caused some mayhem and destruction in its wake.  The collateral damage can be verbal outbursts and injuring others and it might be a near fatal car accident.  Anger, jealousy, insecurity, inferiority, intolerance, fear, worry and anxiety collect friends along the way.  These are bad friends and they are carnivorous in their ugly appetite.  So it is not good to allow those hitch hikers to tag along.  Some things are just tenacious in our memories.  I look for a solution that will really close up a wound and make it better. 

Somewhere inside me is a memory that I don’t want to think of.  There are childhood memories that just seem to come out of the blue and promise to play havoc with my mood.  I realize today that I have been avoiding things that happened.  I don’t like to think about them.  There are many ways of avoiding things and some of those ways are not healthy.  Going into a bar to drink and share a sad story is what all Hollywood movies seem to suggest.  That is not a good way to close a wound.  Some people get really involved in projects and work.  They become workaholics.  Unfortunately sooner or later they must take a Holiday or Vacation.  When they do they rarely enjoy it.  They have forgotten how to relax and have fun.   Some people become sex addicts or relationship addicts.  I think those two are close cousins.   A new relationship is always fun and exciting.   At some point you will really get to know that person.  There are semi funny stories about going away with someone for a fun trip and being stuck in an airport for 3 days.  You will see the not pretty side of the person you are with.  There is a long list of avoidance behaviors and none of them work very well.  They do not liberate you from a tragic memory for very long.  There are some things that will help. 

Back up from the memory.  Pretend you are a witness standing on the side line of a childhood event.  That may or may not help.  For me sometimes that is worse.  I wonder why I am not rushing in to saving a screaming victim. 

Today I found something that does work.  It worked for me and it is still working.  This epiphany is a Higher Mind one. That is why I am blogging about it.  Instead of running from a bad feeling memory or thought, I just allowed it to happen (on one condition.)  I asked God to hold my hand and heal it.  God, let’s look at this together and then it might evaporate from my life stage. In previous postings I speak of my Near Death Experience.  I was promised that I would not face this world alone and suffer when I returned to the present 3D world.    All I have to do is request; ask; pray for assistance and it will be given.  So I asked.  I felt a huge relief in looking at this memory from a slightly more expansive perspective.  I felt comforted in a deeper way by seeing there was a life lesson.  It was not a bad karma lesson at all.  There is almost no way to share what I learned with my readers.  It is so highly personal and specialized.  For the first time I could really let go.  It was not duct taped nor happy faced. There was a deeper lasting peace today.  In fact, I did not even have to totally understand why it happened in the first place. That sort of logic just isn’t a true satisfier.  I felt no anger or victimhood that it did happen. Forgiveness? What is that anyway?  I think I have tried that and it felt really nauseatingly fake. It had that duct tape a broken arm feeling. There is true forgiveness and for me that is acceptance that we all do dumb hurtful things at times. If we could see the bigger picture we probably would not have acted badly.  The forgiveness I felt today is more light hearted and liberating than those other feelings. 

Now I am starting to even smile a little.  This time it is a smile that is bubbling up like helium from my inner soul.   In the past managing my emotions was like herding cats.  There was some control but mostly I chose to avoid bad memories.   This time it feels like I fenced them in with a great deal of kindness and acceptance.  I even can go as far as to say these experiences have deepened me.  Bad experiences don't need to beat me up if I can just take them at their temporary value and let them go.  Without trying too hard I did become that observer and I had another Bigger Observer with me.  Instead of multiple viewpoints we all became one.  I am certainly going to try this again because it was a successful fix for my angst. Life is messy business sometimes.  It is not a paint by numbers project.  It is like this; don't do your own dentistry, plumbing or brain surgery.  You don't have to be the expert with the up to date manual.  Just Call Out 1 800 God Help.  It sure saved my butt today.

 

 

 

Points for Parenting Indigo Prodigies

 

They are all Prodigies of Course

 

Points for Parenting (from much hard earned experience.)

So you have an Indigo Child! That is such good news. Buy a pair of roller blades and get ready to have your beliefs challenged.

1.     We  are not molding them, they are here to teach us.  Yeah they did not come into this world a blank page that we will use behavioral techniques on to structure them.  These kids are very aware and realize the systems in place need replacing.  They are system busters.

2.    They demand respect.  They will respect you if you are honest and open with them.  There are ways to respect Indigo Children and still maintain house rules and boundaries.  Interesting that they are really good at defining what it is to be human and to have positive energy.  They prefer to keep the energy in a good place.  Have a round table discussion where everyone discusses the rules and contributes to those rules.  If anyone slips up on those rules, what should happen?  They are very insightful and creative about consequences.  Some of the old disciplines just don’t work.  And if you do decide to use corporal punishment that is going to destroy the trust you really need with your child.  They will build a huge emotional wall that resembles the cold war. The best parenting weapon you will have is the relationship you build with them. 

3.    They will have emotional outbursts.  Anger is not necessarily a bad thing with them.  I look back at my experience with my child’s anger andI am glad that he was allowed to express it.  If it gets too bad, everyone takes a time out.  Learning nonviolent communication is going to save the day. Parents can benefit by getting in a class that shows you how not to be inflammatory and escalate an emotional situation. 

4.    They are naturally curious about the world and each other.  Some of the best learning opportunities are just following their lead.  What do they want know?  As I parented an indigo who wanted to build things and figure out how everything worked;  I had to find a handyman type to explain gadgets and appliances.  This little guy could put together a toy that came in pieces faster than I could read the instructions.  He just got it.  My second one was a non verbal telepathic communicator from the start.  Getting him to use words was on going. 

5.    I found it helpful to have art supplies around.  Indigos have many unexpressed feelings. They can draw their feelings and concepts and that can really save the day. If they are bored they draw.  Mine would draw in school.  The teacher was perplexed but he said: I finished my work and it was easy so I started to draw. Keeping them challenged in public school is a headache. I learned later that a parent must apply for gifted testing in writing. That is how it is here. I would suggest it but I obviously did not know my rights and they ignored it.

6.    Nature walks help ground us all but it is essential for Indigo kids. Nature can teach all of us many valuable lessons.  Animals are great educators.  One day at the park my two boys were trying to feed the grasshoppers.  A man walked over.  He admired the tranquility that my boys displayed and said, “in my day we (us kids) might have hurt them for fun”.  Perish that thought.  Indigos are very empathetic.  They naturally respect all sentient life and they might ask to be vegetarian early on.

7.    Indigos might talk about past lives, they might be aware of spirit entities, they might communicate telepathically with other children who can do that.  They might be able to bend spoons or move objects.  Parents need to be at ease with all these developments.  Indigos will find their own teachers.  They will look for mentors to aid them in development.  They don't expect parents to have universal knowledge. Never lie about that.  It is perfectly ok to say "I just don't know that answer".

8.     Bottom line, they appreciate their parents without coaxing that natural relationship.  They want a positive relationship and they will be the one to instigate happier more fulfilling discussions with their parents.  Often just clear honest discussion will be all the discipline needed.  They will honor the point of view of the parent most of the time.  If they don’t honor it, know that it is not because they disrespect you (us), it is because there is a flawed basic premise in what we are saying.   They see through things in a way our parents did not.  It is often much easier to say,  I feel worried when you don’t come right home after school than to say if you are not home after school, there will be a consequence.   Sometimes they need to see the parent’s point of view from an emotional vantage point.  That works very well. They often feel parents are brain washed by the status quo, but if you can appeal to their sensitive nature they will accept that you just need them to behave a certain way.  Worked well about 60% of the time.

9.      Somethings are non-negotiable in parenting.  Anything that is dangerous to self or others or extremely important to a parent might have some consequences.  Do not yell or punish when others are present, such as friends or out in public.  Speak in a normal tone of voice.  If they do not seem to hear you.  Stop what you are doing and go over to them. Get at eye level and repeat your request.  Clearly in a normal tone of voice.  Example:  Honey don’t pick the cat up that way. Honey keeps on doing it and ignores suggestion.  Normally a parent would just yell louder and maybe even add a verbal threat.  Instead, go over to Honey and say, “This is a mommy cat about ready to have her kittens so we are going to put her down so she can relax.”  Usually, Honey will do it because you are right there.  If not then take the cat from Honey and redirect Honey to some other activity.  Sounds like work, but not really, in time when you reinforce your words with action, they listen to you right away and you won’t be screaming at them.  That raises your blood pressure and cortisol. Stress and fear based parenting are not as effective and that kind of strategy leads to more unhealthy behavior. 

10.There are lots of parenting books out there.  The ones that teach you to listen are really important.  I missed that part in my childhood and I was not always good at really listening to my two guys.  Being fully present and holding the space that says: you are important and I am listening; that is the best reward and validation for kids.  My mom would say “I love you” but her actions did not show that.  It doesn’t take money to impress kids.  If kids ask for something expensive, just honor it with some fantasy and vision.  If they want to have a “rocket ship” then start drawing pictures of the one they want.  Visit a space camp or start a really cool scrap book full of rocket ships.  That same thing applies to wanting a pet Koala bear.  My mom would slam those ideas into the trash with a “money doesn’t grow on trees” talk.  Don’t slam good, fun, creative ideas.  You can milk those moments and use them.  Talk about a token reward system, you have the fuel for that fire.  Good report card gets 50 dollars put into the space camp fund.  (There might be a scholarship available too). 

 

Indigos are taking us all to a better place.  I learned so much from my two boys.  I wasn’t the best indigo parent and of course I got tired, impatient, yelled and behaved poorly at times.  I learned a great deal when I enrolled myself in a parenting class. My guys were ages 9 and 11 and the old ways just were not working.  I started enjoying them more and life became a lot easier once I caught on.  I found the teen years to be absolutely delightful.  They were becoming their own persons and pushing on to new intellectual heights.  I learned to hang with them.  They were budding standup comedians and we all laughed till it hurt at times.  That’s how I learned to roll.  Don’t put me on a pedestal, because, I don’t need to be there, but, I am passing some things along that helped saved the day for me.  Hope you enjoyed my points and maybe they will work for you too

 

 Go Indigos!

 

Blue Bunny Hugs for Blue Kid

(if any part of this story seems oddly familiar then I have a bit of news for you.  I published a very similar story/article in Ezine Magazine about 10 years ago.  Strangest thing happened.  I was watching a commercial one day about a little boy who lost his teddy bear " Tony" at a hotel and it was mailed back to him etc.  I can't remember the product being advertised.  I thought, this is beyond coincident.  The script writer is a well known writer in Hollywood.  I wrote to him and said "did you snag my story from my article?  He never answered, but the commercial was taken down immediately.   Amazing)

Children do get depressed, or blue at times.  Once upon a time, a four year old with a curly mop of hair, needed a bunny hug.  How fortunate she was to  have such a wise and comforting fluffy blue companion. You can't buy one of those on every street corner.  James Stewart had Harvey (Movie: Harvey 1950) but I had Tony.  My sweet valiant friend.

 My parents say,  Tony arrived in an Basket on my third Easter Holiday. It was a perfect gift. He was a handsome blue eared friend and he had black button eyes that reflected such knowing.  Over the years he faded and had mustard stains.  When I found him in a box as an adult, he was so small and used looking.  I held a once iconic friend in my hands and it looked like a very small grey toy rabbit that held no significance at all. And yet Tony caused a hotel staff to look everywhere for him. There was no peace  until he was found and  Federal  Expressed back to me. Now that is power alright!  He went with me on all the family vacations. 

Tony was with me in my overnight bag when I stayed with my Grandparents.  He really enjoyed being around them just as much as I did.  Grandmother asked me, "why do you call him Tony"?  I explained that he told me his name was Tony and I never questioned it beyond that.  My Grandmother seemed distressed saying, "that is a "mob" name." I am laughing as an adult. She probably saw the Godfather trilogy.  My brow crunched up and I retorted  "Tony is very brave and he will not let the mob get me, so don't worry about that."  I could always speak my truth with Tony by my side.

Tony and I had many grand adventures.  I told him everything.  He held onto my precious secrets for about five years.  Then he went into an old toy box around age eight.  It hardly seems appropriate or fitting to bury and old friend like that.  He helped me survive childhood in a way no adult could have.  He was my "brain trust", My Confidant, My Mentor, My Advisor, My Cheerleader, in general the one who held my hand through every trying moment until age eight happened. 

 At age eight, I had a 3rd grade teacher who took me under her wing.  She saw something in me that everyone else might have missed.  Everyone but Tony did not seem to see the real me.   It is amazing what one teacher can do. But ...before age eight,

I had to hide in the closet sometimes with Tony.  My Mom had quite a temper at times.  We were scared hiding in the dark as well as under the bed for hours.  Eventually,  my Dad came home and Tony and I would run to meet him.  I am pretty sure Tony loved my Dad as much as I did. 

There was no such thing as sleep without Tony in my bed.  He was my Guardian Supreme while I slept.  There was no need to say any other prayer. There are worrisome prayers that say things like "if I should die before I wake".  I knew without a doubt Tony would not let that happen.  He was fearless in the dark.  Tony understood my angst as we were read Dr. Seuss books.  Often there were things stacked precariously almost ready to topple over. An elephant would be standing on an imbalanced table.  Several items would be stacked all wrong on a tray.  I was an expert at age five on stacking things to climb up into my closet.  I had fallen and knocked the wind out of me once.  That was an out of body experience not to be repeated.   

Tony was able to magically take away pain when I was in the hospital. He put a blue bubble around me and I was warm and pain free.  I had frequent hospital visits up to about age eight.  those were the tough years.  Age four to eight.



At age four  I had pneumonia.  I was ready to check out and Tony understood that it might be ok for me to die.  I was on my way out, when I heard my mother praying.  She said, I am sorry that I have not been a good mother.   We, Tony and I, decided to give her a second chance. She looked at me with love in her eyes.  I had never seen that before.  The next day...

I was alone in the hospital room except for Tony. A very handsome doctor walked in and pushed my hair back to look at me.   He had the nurse fix my hair and they all complimented me on how pretty I looked.  I loved that doctor and wanted to go home with him.  That doctor talked to my Grandparents when they came to visit.

At age eight I moved in with my Grandparents when my parents were divorcing.  At age eight I went to a small private school my Grandparents paid for.  At age eight had  so many new friends at my new school.  I blogged about going from autistic to brilliant in two years and it is the absolute truth.
http://angelbell444.blogspot.com/2012/11/my-childhood-journey-from-autism-to.html

How can I tell Tony, whoever that enchanted soul was, thank you.  Without you Tony I would not have made it to age Eight.  

I would like to comment here about my Mother, now deceased.  We never had the discussion we needed to have on earth.  As a therapist in training,  I would diagnose her as a Borderline Personality.  That diagnosis has some stigma, and she was very resistant to getting psychological help or labels. It was tried and suggested by my Father, and my Grandparents and perhaps others I do not know about.  This is not a tell all because Mom had some very creative qualities and she was able to love one of my two boys and not the other one.  She decided she could only care about one. That was an interesting thing to have to explain to my youngest son.  I didn't understand her logic many times. I forgive all that happened because I totally understand Borderline Personality Disorder and I do very well with people suffering from that diagnosis.  It is all about loyalty to them and they have such fear of abandonment.  My Mother would react violently to any perception of dis-loyalty.  I would get an ulcer prior to Mother's Day each year.  I had to really be psychic and know what was expected.  I can relax now and I can say, I must have chosen her for a big life lesson, hope I don't need to repeat it.