ASMR and the Importance of Non Sexual Pleasure

Non Sexual Pleasure, ASMR and Well-being

I was going to call this the best kept female secret.  I briefly thought of calling it Vagina Speak.  Much too brash and loud. Vagina's don't talk...so a name like Vagina Monologues turns me the other way.  It is too blatant and to out there for real female discussion.  If we were going to have one of those girl talks among best friends, we would begin speaking euphemistically of our personal discoveries.  We would speak with high respect of the magic that comes with sexual exploration.  If the discussion was done with the right decorum, I don't think blushing or shame would prevent us from telling our secrets.  I believe these discussions are held sacred among women and for a very good reason.  Abuse, control. manipulation of women and their bodies, is historically what occurs.  I think there is ample documentation of that.  

Is there female manipulation of men? Oh, of course.  John the Baptist died due to that.  It is a pretty strong hate and revenge that would lead a mother to trade her daughters virginity for the head of someone.  It happens.  Females who learn what triggers males are certainly at an advantage and vice verse.

There is no manual or how to book that really tells the story holistically.  True sexual education is not about our plumbing.  Masters and Johnson's novel studies, were the tip of the iceberg.  How wonderful (the Masters and Johnson research) to debunk the myths of thousands of years.  I am so proud of these researchers because they, like Freud, were pioneers into a much needed area of understanding.  This has been so taboo and it so needs to be treated differently, honestly, and with total respect for something that is a gift of life and bonding.  We will learn more about our anatomy, reactions and physiology....

But….

The hitch is this:  The non sexual acquisition of pleasure.  This is where the medical model, science, religion, and history all collide.  We have been trained away from most types of pleasure by the edicts  of religion and moral authorities.  Quite sadly too.  ( I am convinced that humans have been brainwashed for the millennium to be servants to others) Sure the two of the ¨deadly sins¨ are gluttony, and lust. They occur in an imbalance, and part of that is the closeted treatment of what would really be good for us. Watch a kid make mud pies...too bad we grow up.

The sexual hormones in humans are too prominent to ignore and thus our survival as a species is insured. I believe some would call the non sexual pleasure between humans ¨foreplay¨.  Well, it can be that.  But I decided to make a somewhat bullet-ed list of human contact pleasure that is not sexual and the goal is not delayed orgasm.  I remember stepping in the shower with my six month old...water not as hot as usual and having the best time with bubbles and laughter.  In fact I did everything wrong as a Mom.  I breastfed in bed with my newborn and fell asleep with him in my queen size bed.  It would have been impossible to roll over on him...every subconscious part of me knew that he was there.  Even in a coma I would not have accidentally squished him.  We started showering together up until about age two.  I probably have some taboo about him getting older and maybe that is good? (too much hysteria about all that incest stuff) It could never happen. That is such a sick symptom of being estranged from our true bonds and humanness. What ugly thoughts we think sometimes.

 As a Mom I found it hard to find the time alone to take long, luxurious baths, and that is one of my little pleasures.  Showing with an infant is a very practical way to get clean and it was a bonding experience as well.  Bathing works well too.  Going on walks and smelling leaves and flowers is a marvelous discovery with little ones too.  I remember nature walks with my father as being some of the best quality time when I was little.  He made time for me, and it was not hurried or cut off.  So, I am offering a list of non sexual pleasures.

Why?  Without this part I don't think true intimacy even begins to happen.  I think we remain balled up and living with stress and isolation and that is contrary to our emotional well being.  It is a great heyday for the pharmaceutical industry.  They continue to sell ¨happy¨ pills and make trillions of dollars.  Maybe these simple human well being techniques need to be closeted to allow the mega rich to stay rich?  Oh, Good Grief...no.  It is a great non sexual pleasure of mine to write...and share...and care.  For that is human to the core of us.  Our core is peaceful and loving...and well we might be trained in soldiering...I think that might be the agenda of snakes.

Pleasure of a non sexual type should be encouraged.

mutual massage,  brushing hair,  bathing, feeding each other, finger painting, ASMR on You Tube, art and sculpture, grooming each other, music, creating music together, listening to music together,

 friendly contact sports, hugging, singing together, face to face conversation,  encouraging laughter, or joke telling, sightseeing as a group, story telling around a camp fire, water play, water slides, snow play, sledding,  exploring aromas or aroma therapy.  Nature walks for discovery of taste, texture and smells.  Bring all the senses on board.  tickling, velvet, silk pajamas, bouncing, sun bathing, back scratching, smearing pudding on your face….LOL.  

There are dozens of feelings and experiences not included here.  It is a long and growing list.

I started my own little book just about my pleasure discoveries.  And guys, stop being so macho, and definitely get into your feeling side.  You will live longer and love better.

Oh and humor helps too.