Side Step Controntation

Side Step Confrontation with Teenagers

Learn to roll with resistance. That was one of the many key elements  discussed this week end in my class on Motivational Interviewing.  Our teacher said you can't argue people into agreeing with you.  Arguing only makes the position of the other person stronger.  It is quite the opposite that is effective. If you can empathize with another person's view point and step into their shoes, you stand a much better chance of building a bridge. 

I am remembering my teenagers either now grown or now in heaven.  One here and one with God.  It is important to really understand their thinking and their obstacles. What is important in their life right now is probably not the same as the parents sense of priorities. 

Empathy does not mean agreement.  There are many points of view and empathy simply means understanding how another person feels and helping them explore their own priorities a little bit better. 

Another key element in moving people past ambivalence was highlighting when they are moving past a stuck place.  There are so many times when we resolve issues and reach for higher ground.  If you are problem solving with teenagers, be sure and high light when they have turned the corner and are demonstrating more evolved logic and reasoning.  It is a process and parents can certainly affirm positives and be the cheerleader for their children.

Take the pressure off a situation for a moment.  Talk about something that is neutral territory for a while.  Give teenagers the time to work through personal problems and explore their own values. This is a personal task that no one else can do for them.  We must decide who we are and what we stand for.  Children are not carbon copies of their parents.  Actually it is the job of a teenager to accentuate how much they are not like their parents. I remember wearing things I knew my mother would not like.  It was my way of saving, this is my body and I am expressing myself as an individual. 

We grow out of that and somewhere in adulthood we marvel at how well our parents managed things. My mother had dinner on the table exactly at 6 every night,  I was not that organized.  I had a wide window on how our evenings came together and just hoped that evening did not include fast food.  There are no wrong or right answers about parenting, but, life is much easier when you learn to communicate with your teenagers in a peaceful non confronting way.  Teenagers are enduring enormous stress and physical change.  It is a crucial time in their life. 

Moving past family dynamics, I wonder how we can use motivational interviewing to achieve "world peace".  I was reading that a stupid (I watched it) D rated movie about Muhammad caused the riots in Syria?  I watched that movie and it is horrible.  It does insult a religious icon.  That is not reaching a nice neutral place to build a bridge.  In fact it was my suspicion that someone was trying to incite a riot and anti American sentiments.  Why would someone wish for violence?  It is hard to imagine for most of us, but there are some political advantages to war and chaos.  Chaos causes fear and people elect leaders that they think will protect them.  It appears there is orchestrated saber rattling going on, and yet, I don't want to feed into it.  I will point at it and think...can we move past this and quickly?

What are your feelings and thoughts?

Signing Off, for now, Angel Bell